Even though the commitment to recovery must be their personal choice, there are ways to help someone with anorexia stick to that path and find the help they need.
Steps to Take
A loved one’s eating disorder doesn’t have to be a life sentence. Struggling with anorexia nervosa is hard, and recovering from the condition can take a long time, but having a strong source of support is a crucial aspect of overcoming the disorder.
As a friend or family member, you can offer this kind of support in a number of ways.
Research the Condition
The desire to help can go a long way, but helping from an informed point of view can go even further. One of the best things you can do for someone with an eating disorder is take the time to learn more about their condition.
Anorexia nervosa, in particular, can be very misunderstood. Many people think the condition is a choice and the drive to lose weight is purely tied to peer pressure or a desire to attain cultural beauty ideals, but this is far from the whole truth.
In actuality, anorexia nervosa is a mental health condition, not a choice, involving a distorted body image, chronically low self-esteem, and usually other co-occurring mood disorders, like anxiety or depression.
Learning more about AN can help you understand what your loved one is going through and empathize with them throughout their recovery journey. It can also help inform you of different treatment options and how to find them and give you insight into signs and symptoms of anorexia nervosa that may otherwise go unnoticed.
Look Out for Signs and Symptoms of Anorexia Nervosa
Understanding the signs and symptoms of AN is important enough to be its own consideration when thinking about how to help someone with anorexia.
One of the biggest challenges around eating disorders is determining whether someone is struggling and when to get help. Often, people who have these disorders have a hard time acknowledging they have a problem. That can make it especially crucial for a caring outsider to speak up when they see something concerning.
If someone is struggling with AN, they may:1
- Frequently comment about feeling “fat.”
- Have a preoccupation with food, diet, or eating
- Have strange rituals or rules around food and eating
- Skip social events, especially those involving food, or otherwise socially isolate
- Skip meals or make excuses to miss meals
- Drink large amounts of water, diet beverages, tea, or other low- or no-calorie drinks
- Express an intense fear of gaining weight
- Wear baggy clothes or many layers of clothes to hide body shape and/or keep warm
- Deny feeling hungry despite not eating much
Anorexia nervosa also has a number of impacts on physical health, which can look like:1
- Sleep-related issues
- Difficulty concentrating
- Loss of menstrual period or menstrual cycle irregularities
- Thinning, dry, or brittle hair
- Dramatic weight loss
- Yellow skin
- Stomach cramps, acid reflux, or other gastrointestinal issues
- Dizziness and/or frequent fainting
- Feeling cold all the time
Further on in the recovery journey, knowing signs and symptoms can help you stay wary of potential lapses or relapses and ensure someone finds the help they need in these scenarios.
Talk to Your Loved One
People with anorexia nervosa are frequently in emotional pain, and having someone to talk to can make a big difference, both in helping them feel heard and understood and helping them accept the need to seek out eating disorder treatment.But talking to a loved one about something so sensitive can feel invasive and nerve-wracking, and you may worry about damaging your relationship. Still, there are some things you can do to help ensure the discussion goes as well as possible.
It can be tempting to try to help someone with anorexia as soon as possible, especially if you’ve been watching your loved one struggle for a while. But taking the time to plan your discussion can make a big—and positive—difference.
Choose a caring, comfortable, and private environment to talk in. It’s especially important for the person you’re speaking with to feel safe where they are. Often, having the discussion in that person’s home or room in your shared home is a good idea.3,4
Once the talk begins, it’s important to be mindful of the language you use. Speaking critically may turn your loved one off, make them feel attacked, or cause them to shut down. Using the words “eating disorder,” “anorexia,” or talking about food, eating behaviors, or their body may also put them on the defensive.
Instead, express your concerns using “I” statements, such as, “I’m worried about you because you seem unhappy and uncomfortable in your body.” Encourage the person to respond with how they feel and their concerns. If you’re feeling angry or emotional or think you may have trouble doing this, it may not be the best time to have this discussion.
If the discussion goes well, you should pivot to a conversation about treatment or looking for help. Look up some information before your talk, such as the number of mental health professionals or appropriate treatment facilities, to have them ready if you make it to this point.
During the discussion, you may offer your loved one this information, drive them to their first session, or help them navigate insurance or other concerns. At the very least, you can tell your loved one that you’re willing to help them and will be with them throughout their recovery.
Talking is important, but when you’re trying to help someone with anorexia nervosa, listening is more important. Stay open-minded and understand where your loved one is coming from. Rather than judgment and questions, be ready to meet them with compassion.
It’s also normal for someone to respond to this type of discussion with some defensiveness or aggression. Talking about an eating disorder is not easy for anyone involved, and it may take multiple conversations to make progress. Don’t expect instant results from the first conversation.
Help Someone Find Appropriate Treatment
There are a number of therapeutic approaches that can help someone with anorexia and several levels of care designed to treat symptoms of varying severity.
The best course of treatment for someone struggling with anorexia nervosa will depend on many individual factors, and a mental health professional is generally the best person to help determine a treatment plan. However, you can begin researching the types of treatment methods and treatment facilities available in your area.
After narrowing down the choices, you can help your loved one contact an appropriate mental health professional or treatment program. Be sure to ask about insurance coverage and any other concerns you or your loved one may have.
What Role Can Friends and Family Play in Recovery?
Eating disorder recovery is a very personal journey, but when it comes to helping someone beat an eating disorder, supporting your loved one in good times and bad can make a big difference. In fact, close friends and family are often vital parts of both early and long-term recovery.
Many mental health experts see family as an ally in treatment. Family members who are aware of their loved ones’ struggles can encourage them to stick with their program, even when things get hard. They can also act as a sounding board if someone needs to talk about their concerns and help look for signs of a relapse.
In some cases, family may even play a direct role in recovery. Family therapy is a particularly effective treatment for anorexia nervosa, especially in cases with younger patients.2
Just remember: You can’t pour from an empty cup. As important as it is to help someone with anorexia get through treatment, it’s equally important to take care of your own needs and mental health. Practicing self-care should still be a priority, and if you find yourself struggling, you may want to explore support groups for friends and family of people with anorexia nervosa.
Finding Help for an Eating Disorder
Eating disorders are dangerous conditions, but they can be overcome. If you have a loved one with anorexia nervosa or any other eating disorder, it’s essential to seek out help.
Speaking with a mental health professional can be a good way to start. They should be able to help evaluate your loved one and recommend appropriate next steps. You can also utilize a number of eating disorder hotlines for more resources, support, and information.
But the most important thing to do is not give up hope. Beating an eating disorder is a difficult process, but with the right kind of support, it’s a lot easier.
Resources
- Anorexia Nervosa. (n.d.) National Eating Disorders Association. Accessed November 2024.
- Baudinet J, Eisler I, Konstantellou A, Simic M, Schmidt U. (2024). How young people perceive change to occur in family therapy for anorexia nervosa: a qualitative study. Journal of Eating Disorders; 12(11).
- Bulik C, Thornton L, Pinheiro AP, Plotnicov K, Klump K, Brandt H, Crawford S, Fichter MM, Halmi K, Johnson C, Kaplan AS, Mitchell J, Nutzinger D, Strober M, Treasure J, Woodside DB, Berrettini WH, Kaye WH. (2008). Suicide Attempts in Anorexia Nervosa. Psychosomatic Medicine; 70(3).
- Let’s Talk About Eating Disorders. (n.d.). National Institute on Mental Health. Accessed November 2024.